Days away, its time to move the clothing from one suitcase to another. It was only a few days ago I got back from the holidays and my impromptu visit to Maryland. My bag is still packed, yet I find myself now pulling clothes out and packing them into another bag for this weekend. Time to travel and time to race. It became more real yesterday when late last night I received an email with the rules for the Spartan Race Championship Cash Heat. It made it just a little more real.
As with most big races my emotions seem to be running all over the place. They are emotions that are hard to describe and are constantly changing. I don’t feel the pressure that I did before the Spartan BEAST here in Killington, as I am not racing in front of my town. In fact, this time I am traveling almost to the other side of the country to a place I have never been before to tackle a race (flat and fast) that is the exact opposite of my strengths (mountainous and slow). I feel a completely different pressure this time, almost entirely manifested in my own brain.
As I read the rules, it made it all clear, this is all really happening. It’s just about go time. I just hope my emotional derailment of this fall coupled with the recent injury, will not prove to be detrimental to what I am able to do when the race gun blows. Or maybe it has just been an extreme tapper and my body just needed the rest all along. Only race day will tell. So tonight as I do laundry the emotions continue to rage. It is a calm rage, but the battle in on. It’s on in my mind. I am not freaking out, that will come Saturday around noon. I am not doubting if I can finish, I will crawl if I have to a DNF is never an option in my mind.
At this point is the battle is over just where I will shake out of the pile of competitors. When I cross the finish: Will it be first will it be last? Does it really matter? Have I already won just getting to this point? Am I on par with my female competitors? Will I be able to live up the the results of earlier this year? When it’s time to fire, will my body respond? Finally, will I remember to do all the rules!
I continue to remind myself this was not one of the original races I had planned for the season. I know its a chance to connect, connect with those I know both virtually and personally. But not until after the guns sounds and truly until I cross the finish line, will I find the answers to all these questions. For now all I can do is have clean clothes, pack everything I need, get on the plane, and show up at the start line on Saturday afternoon, then all my questions will be answered.