I have been pretty quiet the last couple of days. It took me a few to really process and still  am processing a workout and conversation that happened last Thursday morning. At first I was unsure how to write about it all but think it’s time to just get it out and keep moving forward.

Last Thursday Jason and I set out on a training run in the morning. I had driven over from my place in the morning and we were heading up and around Joe’s Mountain in Pittsfield. As we started to run I knew Jason had been working on his speed recently and my training had not been very regimented. He took off and I was in his dust I would catch up to him as he would stop and do burpees until I got there. This pattern repeated itself over and over for the next two hours of running. Each time he would pull away and I would lose site of him my brain stated to fire.

As we progressed up the trail a fairly strong negative feedback loop started playing in my head. One with which you just can’t find the off button. By the end of the run literal tears were streaming down my face. I was a mess. This is something that years of work I thought I had overcome but something triggered it on Thursday. The feeling of not being able to catch up overpowered me. I had been dropped.

We finished up had breakfast, then a conversation about what the hell had just happened on the trail. In reality, all that happened was two people went running, one faster than the other and that’s about it. Mentally, it played out as this epic battle in my head. It’s taken me a couple days to process this and move on. Many contributing factors led to this meltdown but most at the end of the day just sound like excuses.

The reality is I am battling an injury, training has had to play second to work for the past two months, and I feel like I am a bit behind the eight-ball going into the season. Everything has happened so quickly and it’s time to hit the reset button.

So what have I been doing the last couple of days, just that resetting. I have been out simply running. I have been slogging away miles, putting the feeling sorry for myself behind me. I have been in the weight room lifting. That run on Thursday was like a slap in the face, a slap back into what I need to get done, just miles and hours of training. It’s really simple, well nothing is really ever that simple but at least I have a clear idea of where I am and where I need to be.

Races are coming, the race season is almost here and I find myself undertrained.