Dirt in your skirt blog

First time is the hardest

Posted on March 19, 2013 by Jackie Rust

Ambassador Jackie checking in!  I am still having a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that someone thinks I am skilled enough to be an Ambassador for something she has been working on for years!  I know you haven’t heard much from me yet and that is probably going to be a usual thing for me, unfortunately.  It turns out that I do have fears; a fear of speaking in front of people, claustrophobia, a fear of heights, I’m not a huge fan of video cameras, but I especially have a fear of writing.  The written word is very permanent, it can show a great deal of wisdom or very much the opposite.  Some people are blessed with the ability to use words to create emotion and to draw an image in your head so clearly it seams real.  I am mostly sure I am not one of those people.  I guess when it comes down to it, my fear is more about expressing MY emotions with so many others.  I generally tend to keep my emotions inside where they are good and safe!  Letting others see and feel my emotion makes me feel very vulnerable and I don’t like to feel vulnerable.  It is my defense mechanism and it has worked out well for me for a good portion of my life.  (Excellent example of my issue with writing: You couldn’t hear the sarcasm in my voice right then, I am a very sarcastic person!)


I knew when I sent in my application to be an Ambassador that we were going to be asked to post blogs occasionally.  I figured this would be the hardest part for me.  I am a runner, I am a racer, I am a finely tuned athletic machine.  I love to sweat and lift weights and grunt and get muddy, that is what I do.  Writing and emotion is a lot less me!  So please know that I am going to overcome this obstacle!  I am going to take my time and do my very best at writing about something that I care so deeply about.  I think with time I will come to enjoy posting blogs, once I get a little more confidence in my writing skills.  Last September when I went to the Spartan Championships in Vermont I had the first DNF (Did Not Finish) in my entire life.  I wished I had somewhere to send all of my emotion, I did manage to record some of my feelings in a journal and it still hurts to go back and read those words.  As a woman there is something very therapeutic about speaking our feelings.  A good venting session can solve most of my issues!  I generally prefer to speak my feelings face to face with a girlfriend, but I guess I could get used to blogging and sharing with all of my new Dirt In Your Skirt girlfriends.  You all understand better anyhow!

While I know most of you are here to read about mud, obstacles, training, gear and all of that stuff we love!  I also want you to know I have something else to offer a good portion of you women out there.  While I love to put on my hard OCR shell and act real tough, deep down inside I am a Mother and Wife above all else.  My training, racing, and blogging always come in second to the most important roles in my life.  I hope to inspire all of you other tough Mothers out there!  We are strong and we need to make sure that our children and our families see us out there doing what it takes to stay tough!  Let us pass our strength on to our children and lead them by example.  Let them build confidence by taking on huge challenges and then overcoming them by our sides.  Make your love for your family show by creating a healthy lifestyle for yourself and for them.  Most importantly, I will be sure to blog about so much more than just my feelings! I will blog about our favorite things: gear, obstacles, races and mud!