Day 147… Brrrr
Today I went for a swim, around in circles but a swim. I ventured alone to the pool, a task I actually dread as I know that when I go to the pool alone its extra hard to motivate to get the swim in and I admit today was a lame attempt at a swim. I arrived at the gym to find this sign on the door before I entered the pool. I thought to myself, oh well I need to practice swimming in colder water for WTM (World’s Toughest Mudder).
Well swimming in a lake thats 60 degrees and the air is about the same is one thing, its completely another when the pool is at 72 degrees (normally at 83 or 84) and the air temp is still right around 85. It was a shock to my system when I first jumped in the pool. I stood at the end of the lane for a few minutes mustering the courage to dunk my head under. Yes, I am the same person who jumped without hesitation into 36 degree water in May at Tough Mudder New England and I will do the same again in a month. But today that water in the pool felt freezing.
I swam for about a half hour and then boredom kicked in. My brain was quiet nothing to occupy my time, it was boring. Just a reminder how hard it is to stay motivated when in the pool alone and no one is watching or caring what you are doing. So in the end my swim was rather lame, but today instead of beating myself up I got out sat in the Sauna for a bit then got dressed and headed home. For one of my good friends moves to California tomorrow and we are celebrating his last night in town tonight.
Maybe this recent funk did something for me. My breakdowns at night and fears of what was on the horizon stressed me to the point of tears. I retreated into a lonely place for a while, as I have clawed my way out I am in a strange state for me I contentment with my training life. Things will be what they will be, I do the best in my training sessions, some days are successful others are a little lame. I know I have tomorrow to do it over again. It is a weird emotion to feel after weeks of beating myself up for each minor misstep, now today instead I took what I did and looked at it for what I accomplished instead of what I did not.
Maybe nothing has changed and I am just in a state of denial, but for the first time I am starting to feel relaxed again. A weight feels like it has been lifted. It took a stern conversation from my training partner to help remind me how silly I was being and that my fears where uncontrollable and in turn were stupid. I knew this but it took someone from the outside pointing this out to have it sink in. We have a few plans to help build back my confidence before the race, but at the moment I feel like whatever is meant to happen will happen.