What is the optimal body? Is there a perfect body? We all know there isn’t an answer to these questions and yet we strive for perfection each day. We either look in the mirror each morning and recognize our imperfections or even worse avoid the mirror all together for fear of what it might shine back. Beauty and health magazines tell us how we should look and what we should strive for. I hear so many women tell me what is wrong about their bodies and how they are working out to fix it. Exercising can help achieve changes but will never do it all. Recently, in conversations these traits that I had thought were mostly associated with women I learned have infiltrated men’s lives as much as women’s.
For years it seemed that the Kate Moss skinny model was the ideal according to the magazines. In recent years campaigns like “strong is the new skinny” have taken it’s place. Although this message aims to highlight an athletic healthy lifestyle the women pictured are the 1% and really are just like the Kate Moss photos. These photos show bodies of tall, strong women with about 5% body fat. The average woman carries about 20-25% body fat. So how is the picture of the woman ripped with a six pack that much different from the anorexic model. In many ways very but in others very much the same. Both push women to attempting to obtain unrealistic goals. Men’s magazines show bodies that look as if they are sculpted out of marble. Commercials like that of David Beckham during the Superbowl have us striving for the unattainable. These hyper athletic images are not attainable to most and can make many feel just as inadequate as the Kate Moss photos.
I will NEVER look like Kerri Walsh or Misty May. Sure I can strive to be the fittest I can be but I am 5’4″ and will never have the long lanky body. It’s just not in my genes. I spent years looking at women like these two and longing for their bodies. I was born with my family genes, which left me with short legs, a long torso and huge quads and calves. In my younger years I was never comfortable in just a bikini, it was always the bikini top and board shorts. All along I was a pretty athletic female, hiding behind the shorts lacking the confidence to show off what I had.
Then a few years ago I made an important decision, I got rid of the beauty, fashion and health magazines and in May 2011 got rid of television. I made a conscious decision to take these things out of my life. As I trained more and watched my body reshape itself I learned to love it. I learned to love those things like my strong calves and strong quads. I found they were my strengths when it came to hiking up mountains and on the trail I didn’t need the long legs. I learned to work with what I had instead of worrying about the physical traits I could never have. Because guess what, I’m 5’4″ and weigh 135lbs (had to find a scale to weigh myself since I don’t own one). So stop stressing about your weigh I don’t. The funny thing was when I stopped stressing more people complimented me on how great I was looking. It seemed all the years I worried and strived for unattainable goals all I had to do was just be myself.
June 2011
I do still look in the mirror and see multiple things I continuously want to improve upon. We all do! But the important thing I have stopped doing is feeling like I need to cover up what I have. Do many have better bodies than I do? Sure! Good for them, they worked hard. But I have worked hard for what I have and am pretty happy with it. I don’t need to look like Kate Moss, Kerri Walsh, or any of the fitness models in the “Strong is the New Skinny” promotions because that’s not me.
Steps to Loving Your Body
- Get Rid of Health & Beauty Magazines- Stop striving for airbrushed perfection. It doesn’t exist.
- Get Rid of Your Television or Stop Watching It- Honestly, most of the stuff advertised you don’t need and won’t make you happier.
- Ditch the Scale- Measure your successes or failures in how clothing fits. Remember muscle weighs more than fat. I have lost two pant sizes in the last year and remained the same weight.
- Look In The Mirror -Take a good look in the mirror, we all have a part of our body that is awesome. Maybe it’s just a toe, but find the good because we all have something and build off of it. I love my calves now they get me up mountains!
- Acceptance – The final step is acceptance, take a look at yourself and your body composition. I will never be a basketball player but I can run up mountains and duck under obstacles. Find your strengths and find those activities that compliment it.
Winter 2012
Finally, instead of pandering to the masses and killing ourselves to achieve the unattainable take that time to make someone of the next generation see the good in themselves. If you are around children engage the one in the corner feeling down about themselves especially teenage girls and boys. Take the time to get to know yourself, get to know your strengths and your weaknesses and build upon them. You just might find yourself loving you more than ever.
My favorite yet
That was awesome!! I was just thinking about this tonight. I am glad that a lean strong body is getting more press but honestly, all those “motivational” pics that people are posting on FB are of models. They are fit, but they are models. They are paid to stay that lean. I work with some very, very fit amazing women and I can attest that none of them look like that. They are beautiful, fit and strong but are not maintaining 12-14 % body fat. Thank you for saying what I have been thinking! Bravo!
Thanks Laurel.
So true! Those girls are so skinny AND ripped… I’ll never be like that, but I’m slowly becoming fine with that!
I found this to be an interesting article. But I think it would be more meaningful coming from someone who wasn’t pretty much what most people aim to be – strong, fit and thin. A size 2 talking about loving your body is sort of hard to take.
If this was about a size 12 kicking ass and taking names and training, etc, I would find it more inspiring.
Sorry Sarah you did not find this as interesting or inspiring an article. Three years ago I was a snug size 8 and weighed about 20lbs more than I am today. In the last year I went from a size six which I was happy with to a size two through making changes and taking steps to work on the inside and out. I tried to find pictures from that time but unfortunately I have pretty much none since I wouldn’t get in many photos.
Well said. I am new to this sport of Obstacle racing. My first race is in May in Chicago.
Best of luck in your first race!
Really liked this one! I’m slowly learning too, that I need to accept my body and I too will never look like the “strong is the new skinny girls” even if I’d work-out til I’m blue in the face! I’m learning to be proud of my new healthy body. I’m down a couple of sizes too in the last couple of months without coming down much weight on the scale. I’m big now on telling people to go with inches, or by how your clothes fit! Just told a co-worker this today.
Adriane, congrats on your achievements! You are so true it’s about inches and clothing not weight. Enjoy your new body and show the world how awesome you are!
Sarah I think you missed the whole point of this blog. It’s about taking inspiration and love of oneself and a
Sarah….. I think you entirely missed the point. You just did exactly what the article is trying to prevent. You just judged Margaret for being “small” and having an “unachievable” body type. We are all different sizes, and every woman has struggled no matter what their body type, it’s all relative to your personal experience. Embrace the message, not the shape of the woman it comes from.
Sorry computer went crazy… Hope you all get the point
Great job. The best thing about it, is woman #867 is the real thing with some braun, beauty and intelligence to match. Never worry about measuring up, the other women are probably scared to get dirt in the skirts and would shy away from any trail, whereas, you embrace it as an extension of your life.
I’ve been thin my entire life — but definitely not athletic for all of it. And this might be offensive to some, but I didn’t really start enjoying the taste of food until I started working out. Food used to be a nuisance to me. It was something to be budgeted and rationed. My appreciation for it was awakened though when I shifted my focus from running to weight lifting, and realized I felt better — healthier — 15 pounds heavier. My idea of health was tied to a smaller number, and similarly probably beauty.
And Steph you look great!!
I really loved this. I’m a size 12 and I do an obstacle run once a year. This year I’m hoping to run 3! Ive had such a huge issue with my size but I really wasn’t doing anything about it. Plus I was measuring my self against all the fitness models I see. Now I could care less about them. I workout a lot with amazing strong women of all ages and sizes. I don’t need the scale to tell me I look good. Having to buy new smaller workout shorts because I flashed everyone while doing burpees, does.
Congrats on your journey. Keep up all the amazing work!
Burpees good, flashing people not so good!
Thank you so much for this post.
I’m 5’0″ with a short torso and wide hips. I may never be able to look like the women on the cover of Fitness, but then again, they couldn’t birth a child in 20minutes or slide easily under barbed wire and through mucky tunnels. Those poor women!
This is a GREAT article. I totally agree! Thanks!
Thanks Beth!
Great article! I have a similar shape 5 foot 0 inches tall with diesel calves and quads. I still struggle with loving my body for what it can do. Thanks for writing about this topic!
Jen own what you have and love it!
Thanks, I really needed to hear that today especially after a hard workout weekend where I was struggling to get the results I wanted. Maybe it is just time for a rest.
Thanks Margaret
Rest is sometimes the best thing!
Hiya All
Not a lady but I am happily married for 28+ years to one who is all of 4’11 1/2 and about 115-125. We have 4 kids and I will be taking on my first Spartan 6/2 in NY. I am 6′ 1 and about 280 right now.
Volunteered at Worlds Toughest Mudder in NJ in December and after this decided to get going and taking on a Spartan Race, Road Race and later this year a TM are the goals.
My wife and kids and me as well are all sorts of shapes n sizes. We just try and work with what we have and go from there.
In our house we have a saying that helps a lot in these kinds of things: PIAAT Persistence Is An Admirable Trait.
Be happy with who and what you are and just keep at it and you will be happy with yourself.
M found your blog recently and really like it a lot. Keep at it and hope to meet you at an event soon.
Larry
Thanks Larry! Thats a great saying. Best of luck to you in your races.
M-
Just sayin’ – at WTM in December 2011 I was 303 and today I am 281. Going to take on my first 5k ever in mid May then going to abuse some “obastacles” at the Tri-State Spartan on 6/2. From then I have some ideas but the only definite is to continue training in 2012 and complete Tough Mudder on 10/27 in NJ.
PIAAT (we pronounce it pee-at – - – works for us)
Love your blog and hope to meet up with you sometime and say hello.
Larry
THANK YOU. Even when I was at my fittest (which I am not at, currently), I NEVER have looked like a “skinny” girl, and am only 5’3. I carry the majority of weight, when I gain it, on my stomach and chest (and of course you see it in the face as well). With regards to my chest, this is something that is an issue that I don’t often see raised- I am large chested. I literally have to wear 2 sports bras (one lighter one and one hardcore one) when I run/workout. This is just going along with what Margaret posted, there are some things we can fix, and some things that there isn’t something we can change. I’ve always been heavy chested and always will be, and I’m never going to be that toothpick girl. But I am working on my overall health and trying to attain a more athletic body, with the ability to do more with myself. I’m working on all areas, currently, and I appreciate your advice and love the other comments on this post…. Since other people have posted some goals: I am about to run my first ever event on Saturday (and am nervous to all heck about it- Hey Margaret, do you have any advice on NERVES and dealing with the start of an event?) at Run For Your Lives 5K down in Massachusetts. I am planning a 5K piece of the Spartan with a team that runs it/raises money for ALS research and awareness in September, and am thinking of doing a Spartan Sprint down in Mass in August. By next year, if I am enjoying these races, I am hoping to be in good enough shape for a full Spartan Beast (possibly a trifecta?) and I would love to do a Tough Mudder. Long distance goals for me, but I’ll get there I hope!! Thank you for raising awareness that everyone’s body is different.
VTEmily, check your email.
Margaret,
Thanks so much
Em.
Amen sista! As the oldest sister of 7 girls, I didn’t turn out to be the tallest, the most gorgeous, or the smartest, or slimmest with the most perfect body, BUT, I did realize that I would have to learn to be happy just being myself and not constantly be comparing myself to my sisters or other people. Luckily, I didn’t grow up with a television and I was a home schooled tomboy so I evaded the constant bombardment of messages from the popular culture that tell you that you have to look or be a certain way to fit in or be gorgeous. I also had parents that encouraged all 7 of us girls to be strong and courageous above all. I am also short with thick thighs but I also have very powerful legs! The funny thing is that everyone, no matter who it is, has insecurities about their body. I have a friend who looks like a supermodel and she has the most of all! So gals, just smile and work with what you’ve got! Thank you so much Margaret, Great post!
Gabi,
And you legs make you a hell of a runner!!